Hey

Well i havent been here for a long time and i was hoping to put some time into this and just use this as a chance to dump some of the crap thats spinning round of my head out of it as, like Homer Simpson, every time i learn something new i need to forget something old just to make space.  So in reality my head is kind of full all the time, i’m always thinking too much about things that shouldnt hassle me but invariably do.

So that alone is part of my troubles, i spend too long thinking about nothing, or thinking about everything but always thinking.  Its so hard to turn my mind off.  I can be lying in bed trying to sleep but i need to lie there awake for a good 45 minutes just to clear off the mental list thats spinning round in my head.  The whole have i switched the oven off/when I’m work tomorrow i’m gonna/i wish i’d just turned round and said/etc etc etc.  I have depression and it manifests itself as the too much to think of and too little time to think about it.  I’m starting to get better though, i’m taking my medication regularly and this is defo helping me a lot, i’m also looking at it as an actual illness you know when your bad you take pills so i’m kinda looking at it like that.  If I had flu i’d take a pill, if my arthritis is bad I take a pill, i’ve got depression so i take a pill.  Looking at like that it seems to make me feel better, i try not to sweat the small stuff and i’ve started taking more time for me.  Time to play Xbox, time to play PS4, time to read, time to listen to Podcasts (nerdist is great by the way) and even time to take a walk with my camera.

I’m getting better, i aint of the woods quite yet but theres definitely sky above me and not just tangled trees and leaves blocking out the skyline, the horizon is in sight, just like the future is coming better get myself ready for it.

So all in all i’m feeling a lot better within myself and  just want to start using this to put things down, get them off my chest, talk shite about what im thinking, whatever it takes just getting it out not necessarily in the open but just outta my head.

So if you find this interesting pop back there might just be more, and if you dont come back thats ok i wouldnt hold it against you.  I’m not the kinda guy that takes offense, if i like you i’ll have time if i dont i wont.  Easy come easy go.

 

So hey its nice to be here 🙂

 

tonight

Watched the apple speech now time for great British bake off